Alvida Nani!

My nani passed away on Monday evening! It wasn't an unexpected news. A severe diabetic, she had been  extremely ill for over 3 years now. Lately she had stopped recognizing anyone, and even eating anything.

Although I cared a lot about her, I was not particularly close to her, or am to anyone in my maternal family. But its the sense of loss that's been upsetting me over the last few days. Why do we have to lose our loved ones? Or anyone who we care about! If all of us have to die one day then can't we all go together. The agony of losing someone you love and the silent suffering of being left devoid of the company of someone you care about, is unbearable.

The first time I experienced it was when my grandfather passed away. I was quite angry at "death", and quite shattered by my loss. I was terrified to think ahead of a time when I may lose everyone I love, and since then I often get these thoughts. When I do, I feel as if someone is trying to squeeze and strangle my heart, and suddenly I can't breathe anymore. I find it so very difficult to come to terms with this phenomenon "death". Seriously, why does it have to happen! And what if we can't bear the bereavement!

My nana and nani are model grandparents in many ways. They have always been very modern in their outlook! Recently we discovered that my nani had signed up for donating not just her eyes but also her body to as "a cadaver" to a medical college. (The medical colleges in India face a huge dearth of cadavers). Although I am two generations younger than my nani, yet the thought of a bunch of medical students or amateurs cutting across nani's body senselessly, and then probably dissecting her internal organs is very very disturbing for me. I sincerely hope they treat it with some respect, and pray for her safe journey to the next world. RIP nani!