Sweetest Love, I do not go

Just a week to go before its time for me to head to Chicagoland again. The mere thought of living apart from Raghav again after the three beautiful months that I spent with him in our lovely house in Austin numbs me. I can often see Raghav wailing through his eyes, and notice how hard he tries to suppress his whimpers for he knows that crying out loud would just make it more difficult for me to live apart from him for two more years. Its tough, very tough, especially if you love one another so much, care for each-other such. I can only hope that the time just flies by!

My last three months with Raghav have been a sort of a Delhi recap albeit with a better lifestyle. The only exception being that I have been a total house-wife, and a wee-bit more shopaholic than usual. But hey, I had to do-up the entire house, and damn those catalogs for making me spend a few extra $$$ once in a while. I also realized how immobile I was in the US at times without a car, and loved driving around, window-shopping or just idling into cafes in Austin. Just like the old times in Bangalore and in Delhi! There were days when I would drop Raghav at work and just venture out until it was time to pick him up back again. I will miss this vela-panti, undoubtedly my favorite pastime in recent times, and will miss my home, and probably some great coffee! 

More than that however I will miss Raghav. I'll miss my day starting with him gently waking me up in the morn (it will soon be replaced with a harsh alarm, thankfully with a snooze function) and eventually murmuring - 'You look sleepy. Carry on sleeping. I'll have cereals for breakfast and buy lunch at work!' No, I would reply and toss out of bed promptly, to cook for him a fresh, hot breakfast and pack a light meal for lunch. At times he has been too harsh on himself, and been very guilty indeed, for making me go through "this" (read: cooking). Little does he know how contented I feel by doing just this tiny bit for him!

Digression alert: Well whoever said that 'the way to a man's heart is through his tummy' definitely didn't include my husband in his sample. Or is my husband an aberration? Whatever, but Raghav firmly believes that I rather utilize my time doing "more important" things that include just about everything from reading (even a fiction) to chatting-up with an old friend to watching a movie. And he definitely "appreciates" if I can substitute 'the cooking time' with the likes of 'reading the Wall Street Journal'. "You again cooked, ah, why did you waste your time? We could have ordered from some place or had pulao or sandwiches", he can be heard mumbling everyday!

I will miss ironing Raghav's shirt (yes, finally, I learnt how to iron clothes!) and looking for matching cuff links for his shirts. I will miss his chants of 'Hanuman Chalisa' and 'Gajendra Moksh'. I have barely caught on to even a sentence of these during the last seven years that I have known him for. Guess he has never tried to teach me and I have never tried to learn either, and yet our relationship has grown only stronger, much stronger. To hear him sing bhajans at times, mostly while praying, is beautiful. He probably sounds so sweet because he sings from his heart. Most things that he says and does are from the heart, which makes me wonder how can someone be so honest and true, and be that always! Coming from a near-atheist background, let me admit that Raghav's piousness was a turn-on. I mean, I had never seen a guy pray, really!

Finally getting Raghav to step aside from the mirror, where he spends atleast 10 minutes (okay, slight exaggeration) combing and settling the only 101 hair (or 102? I couldn't have missed the count by a margin more than this) left on his head (-'thanks to getting married while I was still so young', he would joke about the hairfall), and stationing him at the breakfast table is a task in itself. In the meantime, I would pack his bag, basically his laptop and the 'tiffin' box, for him and get together his accessories aka specs, watch, wallet and access card. Often socks and handkerchief too! How house-wifey is that, and doesn't it sound like a lot of fun. It really is, and I loved every minute of it! Well, at last the kiddo, is ready to go (to school, it seems), and its time to bid the baby a bye (I love alliterations, even the forced ones like these). How I will miss this! 

Raghav has been prodding me off-late with his repeated 'Why aren't you excited? You are going to KKAAAYYY.. LOOOOGGGGG!' I am excited, very excited, and really looking forward to it, but well you now know what I am giving up for Kellogg for the next two years, so much love, happiness and contentment. (A barter worth it, I hope). If it wasn't for Raghav being overjoyed and dancing non-stop for two full days, just about everywhere in the house, after checking on my admissions decision (from Kellogg), who knows I may have been a proud Longhorn instead :)

Finally, a few lines from one of my favorite metaphysical poets , John Donne:

Sweetest love, I do not go,

For weariness of thee,

Nor in hope the world can show

A fitter love for me; .........

Yesternight the sun went hence,

And yet is here today;

He hath no desire nor sense,

Nor half so short a way:

Then fear not me,

But believe that I shall make

Speedier journeys, since I take

More wings and spurs than he.

(Paraphrase, in my words: If the sun can go round the world in just 24 hours, without any passion or desire to reunite with anyone, then I, who love you so much and long to be with you, would definitely be back faster than the sun!)